We’ve actually helped lots of couples in exactly the same situation as you.
While making the choice to start a family as a couple who happens to be gay or lesbian is a serious one (even more than it is for straight couples), it is reassuring to know that nowadays there is no shortage of options.
The most popular choice for lesbian couples, this is where the birth mother is inseminated with donor sperm.
This can be done at home, but having it done at a licensed clinic is a far better option, although obviously more costly.
A clinic is able to screen the sperm for genetic disorders and sexually transmitted diseases, greatly reducing the risks to both you and your child. Plus, they will also be able to give you some legal advice, which is essential if the non-birth mother wants to ensure she is legally recognized as a parent, too.
From one country to another, laws differ on who has parental rights, and whether and at what point it is necessary to be civil partners.
And some countries are not permitted by law to give you any assistance with fertility at all. India is among these, and so are most countries in the Middle East.
This is less often an option for lesbian couples than it is for gay men, since there is a high probability in a lesbian couple that at least one of the women will have normal levels of fertility.
A surrogate mother has the baby for a couple who are unable to conceive themselves. It’s quite a rare option, since it is quite complicated legally. Most countries strongly discourage commercial surrogacy, and there can often be very little done if the birth mother decides she wants to keep the baby.
We are able to help with arranging surrogacy in India, but unfortunately the law in India prevents surrogacy for gay couples, or indeed single parents. But do contact us if you would like to hear from us in the future, if we do work with a country that will be able to help you!
This is where a man and woman, not in a partnership, and generally where one or both are gay, decide to team-up to have a child together. Obviously, this can be arranged the “old-fashioned” way, or with Artificial Insemination (AI).
Again, you need to get some legal advice before going down this road, since it will need to be decided how financial and other responsibilities will be divided. If you are using one of the clinics we work with, they’ll be able to help you decide if this the right route for you.
Last, but not least, adoption is an option to consider. Many countries do allow same-sex couples to adopt, although many more countries do not make it easy.
Although when people suffering from infertility confide in their friend about their problem, they are often told “Well, you could always adopt…”, be aware that adoption is by no means a cheap option!
We are not able to help at all with adoption, and recommend you check out the adoption agencies in your area. Here’s a few places you could check out…